How to Keep Your Beard Outrageously Manly

Here’s everything you need to know about how to grow your beard, the manliest way possible.

A post shared by Beard Kings (@beard.kings) on Feb 22, 2017 at 9:03am PST

5. Keep your hands off your face.

If your facial hair is making you itch, don’t you dare pick up that razor. No, don’t even think about it. For an outrageously rugged beard, the words “trim” and “shave” shouldn’t even be part of your vocabulary. Man up and let that damn beard grow.

A post shared by Beard Kings (@beard.kings) on Feb 11, 2017 at 3:58pm PST

4. If you absolutely can’t take the itch any longer (psh), beard oil helps.

It will give your beard a nice smell too, not that it’s important.

A post shared by Mr Blackman’s (@mrblackmans) on Mar 29, 2017 at 12:33am PDT

3.Stock up on eggs.

Fuel up with eggs, because protein is essential to growing hair. Carbo-loading is totally unmanly anyway.

A post shared by Villa Vida Loca Farm Market (@villavidalocamarket) on Mar 29, 2017 at 1:30am PDT

2.  Offer the blood of your enemies to sacrifice to the beard gods.

Some things don’t come easy, you know. Like an awesome beard.

A post shared by Knife Culture (@knife.culture) on Mar 31, 2017 at 2:44am PDT

1. Why are you reading this list, anyway?

This is The Girl on TV—we know nothing about growing facial hair. But we do know the 101 on dressing up our men. Check out our Le Douche Essentials episodes here.

Happy April Fools!

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